8 Signs You’re in the Right Relationship
Trust, loyalty, respect and fun are all essential ingredients for lasting love
It’s easy to tell when you’re in the right relationship. Or is it? Conventional wisdom says that you “just know” when you meet the right person. But some people require more than a gut instinct.
Fortunately, dating experts say there are several ways to tell that you’re definitely in the right relationship. The signs include everything from fighting fairly, to being able to be your true self in front of each other, and simply trusting each other and being there when someone needs to talk.
The best relationships are those that are easy, and that are seamless from one day to the next. But if you’re in a relationship where you argue sometimes, and you’re not always on the same page, it doesn’t mean it’s doomed. Check out the signs that experts say you should be looking for and if those are part of your relationship, then you have nothing to worry about:
Natural Rhythm. You have a natural rhythm together. Even if one of you likes to stay up later than the other, it just flows. One of you might stay up later and clean up after dinner, while the other gets up earlier makes the coffee in the morning, according to Jennifer Howard, psychotherapist and award-winning author of Your Ultimate Life Plan.
Vulnerable. You feel safe to be your authentic self sans the public persona. You are not afraid to share your dreams, goals, fears, insecurities, etc. because you know your significant other will not hurt you or do anything to violate your trust. It is in our time of vulnerability where a significant amount of personal growth can transpire, so if you have someone where you feel safe to be your authentic self both the strong and 'growing areas' then this is a great sign, said Misha Granado, MPH, MS and founder of Love Grows: The Relationship Consultants.
Fights Fairly. Contrary to popular belief, couples that do not avoid fights stay together. Studies show that relationships with stressors that don't break the relationship are stronger in the long run than conflict-free relationships. It is far more important to have similar conflict-resolution styles, and addressing problems can be a bonding process. For these reasons, it is a good thing for engaged couples to know that they have the skills to resolve conflicts prior to marriage, said Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality.
Keeps His Word. Trust is the foundation of true intimacy. Trust and goodwill are very closely related conceptually, so much so that we think of them as nearly synonymous; both are crucial in maintaining a strong relationship. There are some distinctions. Goodwill pertains more to emotion, to feelings about your partner that are built up over time, but without deep and abiding trust, there can be no goodwill. Building trust is not really all that complicated. All it takes is honesty—not radical honesty, just a basic determination to be truthful and forthright— tempered with kindness. It also involves being reliable—calling when he says he is going to call, showing up on time, taking responsibility if he makes a mistake, said Johnson and Michaels.
Keeps in Touch. Lovers are like planets in orbit around each other and that relationships require sufficient gravitational pull if they are going to endure. This gravitational pull has both emotional and physical components. If there’s too much distance between the bodies, they’ll continue to move away from each other. Your body and your emotions do not exist independently of one another. It is important for your love to remember and consciously choose to maintain physical contact. This habit will help you both to stay within each other’s orbit, said Johnson and Michaels.
Doesn't Lose Sight. Non-verbal communication is more important to relationships than many people realize. The most powerful way to connect non-verbally is through eyegazing. If you feel your partner is comfortable looking deeply into your eyes, you will be able to maintain a sense of harmony and connection, said Johnson and Michaels.
Same values. You share the same values on the important things that matter, and even the little things in life. And you've had these conversations because you feel comfortable talking about these things together. It just feels natural to talk about the future together because you can't picture your life without him. And not in a crazy, obsessive way. You know you could still live your life without him, you just don't want to, said Jenny Giblin, a marriage and family therapist.
Nothing to Complain About. When you friends complain about their significant other, you get quiet because you feel like you honestly have nothing to complain about. It reminds you of how lucky you are, Giblin said.
So, take all of these factors into consideration and, hopefully, you will find them all in your relationship. If not, there are ways to work together as a couple to improve your communication and strengthen your bond.