Heal From a Breakup and Feel Better Than Ever
How to get over a devastating breakup
Face it. Sometimes a breakup is truly for the best. And whether or not you’re the one who pulls the trigger, you can use a breakup as a learning experience and end up feeling better than you did beforehand.
As tough as they might be, breakups are an inevitable part of dating. The pain that you go through during the aftermath helps you learn how to self-heal, and move on. With introspection, each breakup can get you one step closer to finding the love of your life, because you learn about what you will, and will not, accept in a relationship.
Using the time to learn a new hobby, working on a garden, or acquiring a new skill can help you heal and become even better than you were before.
Use the breakup as a wakeup call
Breakups can be a wake up call for many women that they have spent far too many years focused on getting in a relationship rather than cultivate themselves into the type of person a great partner would cherish, said Jennifer B. Rhodes, psychologist and founder of Rapport Relationships.
“The best way to build self-confidence after a breakup is to travel by yourself. Taking the time to process your feelings and experience a new adventure will allow you to use the devastation as an opportunity for growth. Most partners find women who have traveled alone to be incredibly attractive and this independence will make you irresistible when one is ready to date again,” she said.
It’s also important to learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made in the past. And once you’ve done that, you’ll need to forgive others for their mistakes, especially if they’ve treated you badly, said Daniel Amis, a personal relationship trainer.
Surround yourself with positivity. You need to hang around others who will encourage you, uplift you, and provide you inspiration and advice when things are tough for you, Amis said.
“Listen to positive music. You should also need to create a list of positive affirmations and post them throughout your home and/or place of work. When you repeat and look at those affirmations often enough, they will begin to uplift you,” he said.
Even if you’re hurting, you need to get out and do those things you enjoy. Separate yourself from the hurt and pain and do things that put a smile on your face. Go out and have fun. Enjoy yourself and realize that one day someone will erase all of that pain that you're going through, Amis said.
Even though finding new love isn’t the first thought on your mind after a breakup, you won’t be able to move on unless you forgive the other person. If you feel hatred for someone, or anger, it keeps you from being able to heal and move on because you’ll be thinking about them each day, and feeling emotional about the breakup. It’s only when you realize several days, or weeks, have passed and you haven’t thought about someone, and when you do, it’s with a calm resignation and not anger, are you truly ready to consider dating again. And with work, you can get there.
Fall back in love with yourself
One of the best ways to deal with a break up is to learn to fall back in love with yourself, advised Esther Boykin, a marriage and family therapist, author and relationship advocate.
“Grant yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship but stay open to the upside of being single again. Look for things that are better, easier, or just different now that you're single and make a conscious note of it. There will be many aspects of being in a relationship that you miss but in place of those things will be new things to enjoy. It's okay to miss the old stuff but if you want to make the most of your new single life, keep your eyes focused on what's great about your new normal. Rediscover the joy of leading your life on your own terms,” Boykin said.
And if all else fails, and you still find yourself thinking about him and dwelling on the past, a great advice book is How to Fall Out of Love by Dr. Debora Philips and Bob Judd. The authors teach solid behavior modification techniques on how to quickly let go of love and move forward after a breakup.