How to Decode His Behavior and Tell if He’s Flirting
Is he flirting or being friendly?
We’ve all been there. A cute guy is spotted across the room and he smiles at you, or your co-worker has been especially attentive lately. But is he flirting or just being friendly? Sometimes it can be difficult to know the difference, and if it’s in a work environment, or someone you will have to see in classes in the future, you want to be sure before you risk showing your hand.
So, stop worrying. Our experts share their tips on how to decode his behavior and figure out what he’s trying to tell you.
Smiling and casual touches are a sign
Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist, said it’s easy to tell if a guy is flirting with you.
Greer said he’s flirting if he's smiling with his eyes as well as his mouth and if he compliments you. Or if he throws in a playful touch for emphasis when talking to you, or laughs a lot at the things you say. If he implies that he wants to spend more time with you and shows interest in the things you do, and your appearance, then he’s definitely flirting.
Stef Safran, founder of Stef and the City, a matchmaking firm in Chicago, agreed that a smile is a key way of knowing if a guy is flirting.
Look for these signs:
Eye contact and a smile is the universal sign for flirtation. Even if someone doesn't speak the same language, this is something that everyone knows is a good sign to pursue a conversation.
If a man starts a conversation and is flattering you with compliments, this too can be an indication he is flirting. But beware of sexual comments. That means that while he’s flirting, he’s also interested most likely in just sex, and not a relationship.
Women should look for positive body language: Light touching, open arms, joking around, all can be showing interest. If you’re talking to a guy and he’s touching your arm, then that means he’s interested. If you walk to your car, and he touches your lower back to guide you, then he’s interested in you as a woman.
If he’s spending more time around you than other guys in the same environment, that’s also a sign. If he’s inviting you out to casual events, or texting or emailing you incessantly, then he’s probably flirting and trying to gauge your interest. Make it easy on him and consider asking him out instead of waiting for him to issue the invitation.
Ignore these signs:
If a man is clearly scanning the room for other girls, it shows that either he is looking for his next hookup, or just the bigger, better, deal.
If the conversation becomes too sexual or he asks questions that seem way too personal and doesn't back off, this also is inappropriate and you are best ignoring him.
If a man doesn't seem to read your body language and becomes overly touchy-feely or unable to have a conversation that asks you questions (maybe he's just bragging or just talking to talk), don't feel obligated to continue.
Assume he’s flirting if he’s making an effort
Camille Virginia, 31, teaches a class on successfully meeting men, and said, “My advice to my female students is that if a man is making any sort of effort to talk to them, assume that he is flirting.”
Be aware, however, that men flirt in very different ways, sometimes way too slick and sometimes painfully awkward. “But I advise that if you're even remotely interested in him, and available, just assume he's into you until it's made clear otherwise. Sometime the nicest guys who would make incredible husbands just don't know how to flirt, so if you give him a chance to step up to the plate, you may be wonderfully surprised at the man he actually is,” Virginia said.
“Women my age love our platonic guy friends, but I can pretty much guarantee that no man who's trying to talk to you in a bar or in line at the grocery store is getting your phone number because he wants you as his new buddy. He may send extremely mixed signals after that point, but if he's trying to talk to you, is smiling a lot, and especially if he gets your phone number, consider yourself a wanted woman,” she said.
Basically, if you think a guy is flirting, he probably is. If he’s hanging around you more than he needs to, or smiling more than normal, then he clearly thinks you’re attractive and wants to get to know you better. If you’re single and available, let him know, and go on a date. You’ll never know if he’s “the one” if you don’t test the waters.
Tagged in: relationships, men, dating rules, flirting,
