How to Find the Love of Your Life
Love is a science
If everything you do to find true love keeps resulting in a dead end, it might be time to change the way you’re looking.
There are certain keys to finding true love that have held constant throughout the modern age, since the first time an independent-yet-feminine girl smiled at a masculine-yet-totally-in-touch-with-his-emotions kind of boy.
If you’re ready to cast aside your doubt and open yourself to a new way to think of love, read on.
What to do to find love
First of all, love is a science. If you do the work, you will have it. If you follow the keys for true love, you will find it. If you understand the game of life, the gates will open and you will begin manifesting your dream, said Audrey Hope, relationship expert and counselor.
Here are the appropriately named Hope’s keys to true love:
- Women must have the self-esteem of a queen; she must honor, love herself, and know her self-worth.
- She must be willing to walk through flames of healing fire to let go of baggage, wounds, and needs. She must be brave, look deep into herself, and change and transform what no longer serves her.
- She must love without need. If she has a donut hole inside that needs to be filled by a man, she is in serious danger. A man must be the icing on the cake for her happiness to last.
- She must take responsibility for the creation of her life. She can no longer blame another for what does not work in her life and should be ready to truly create her own destiny.
- She must investigate all belief systems about love; what does she believe and what roles do men and women play? Do her beliefs come from her mother and father? Ideally, she should be free to love without relying on other's concepts.
- She must decide to have true, soulmate love, and therefore vow to have only the best. This means no fears, making deals, or settling. This kind of love takes patience and time, but it is worth the wait.
- She must become her "List". Whatever she desires in her mate, she must become herself. If she wants to be cherished, she must cherish herself. If she wants respect, she must respect herself.
“The simple manifestation of love is to ask a deep question, ‘Am I ready for real love and will I do everything to have it?’” Hope said.
Know what you want
It’s important to know what you want before you start looking for love.
Patricia Belfort has spent the past year interviewing marriage couples and hearing their love stories. She said that she’s on a mission to discover what makes relationships last. Here is her best advice:
Know who Mr. Right is before you meet him. Now, don't go crazy and get so specific as to make this limiting. You aren't looking for a purple cow. I would even advise not to get caught up in describing appearance. Understand what kind of character you are looking for. Is he ambitious and dedicated to his career or is he more into YOLO and living out his next big adventure? Does he want a big family or no children at all? Is he an academic type because you want to be mentally stimulated or is he a gamer because you want to have someone to have fun with and relax?
Prioritize these things. If you don't know what you are looking for, you'll never find it. Or you'll end up settling for whatever catches your fancy at that particular moment.
Look for flaws you can live with. Sometimes, its tempting when you start dating someone to look at the wonderful things about them. We have all done this. We look at this person and see the good in them and create a story line in our heads about how they fit into our lives. But stop. Instead, pay attention to their flaws.
Yes, acknowledge the great things about them but it is essential that you look to see if you can live with their flaws. The reason this comes first is because when we allow ourselves to indulge in our rose colored glasses, we fall in love and it becomes so much harder to break off the relationship and pursue a better match. Then we tell ourselves that this person has "changed" and is not the person we fell in love with.
Focus on building a friendship. Romance is nice but the thing that will hold the relationship through rocky times is friendship. Sometimes, the person we are dating is great. Often, we have chemistry with them but no real friendship. Mr. Right should be someone you can talk to about whatever matters to you. You should be able to have fun together (even if you don't enjoy the exact same things). The ability to look at each other and know that you are more than lovers bounded by passion is important because passion can wane and wax.
Love yourself into completeness. Even if you find someone who is a great match for you, you will never be satisfied with him if you are looking for him to complete you. It is inevitable that he will fail you. Somewhere along the way, he will not meet your standards. He may not always be available and he may even say something unintentionally that hurts you. In other words, he will be human.
Belfort said, “The point in finding the love of your life is to have a companion to share your days with. It is not his job to fix insecurities and fill your emptiness. It is your job to make yourself feel alive. Find out what you love and are passionate about and go do them. Deepen your friendships. Spend more quality time with your family. Enjoy your own company. Take yourself out on dates and new adventures. Be awesome so that you don't ooze desperation. Don't look to be completed. Seek to share your awesomeness with someone else.”