Tips on Finding a New Boyfriend This Holiday Season
Date smarter during the holidays
Sure, it can be awkward to date someone new during the holidays. There are family events and dinners and it's hard to find spare time to date or, if you find a date, to know if it's appropriate to invite him to tag along.
But it definitely can be done with some careful attention to detail. Don't remove your online dating profile during the holiday season. Although you might be more likely to find that new guy through friends or at a holiday party, since this is the ultimate social season. Go ahead and see if you might find that perfect New Year's Eve date. Just remember to keep your expectations low-key and don't meet someone and instantly assume they'll want to meet your parents on Christmas Eve.
Here are tips from relationship experts on how to date the right way during the holiday season.
Get out and about this season
If you are looking to meet someone during the holidays, Stef Safran, owner of Stef and the City, a dating service in Chicago, shared her tips:
- See if you can get friends together to have dinner parties where everyone invites a single friend.
- Make changes towards your routine: go to a different exercise class, go to a different Starbucks, and make an effort to smile and talk to a stranger.
- Go to Christmas parties. There are a lot of networking events these days that have them, so going to them is less about getting a date and more about gaining a network.
- Don't put pressure and remember that on January 2, many new people are looking for a relationship so new people will be available online, with a dating service or in other places.
Yes, you can meet new people and even find a relationship during the holidays, if you get over any shyness you have and accept invitations to new places, said relationship expert Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.
"Recognize that you're not going to please everyone, and that sometimes you'll be disappointed, but it won't kill you. It's also okay not to be the life of the party. Everyone loves a good listener, and just observing and enjoying the atmosphere is a perfectly fine thing to do. Seek out one person you know and like, and focus on enjoying him or her."
And don't use alcohol for false courage. You may survive being tipsy, but if you really want to be seen as charming and attractive, you won't allow yourself to behave badly, Tessina said.
To enhance your positive experience, she suggested that you do the following steps before any new activity:
- Make a mental note of the possibilities: Can you learn something there? Can you meet a new friend? Will just getting out of the house and around new people feel good?
- Remind yourself of your goals: You're going there to make new friends and to have fun.
- Review your positive personal qualities: What do your friends like about you? What do you like about you? Your intelligence, your sense of humor, your style, your conversation skills? Are you a kind and caring person? Reminding yourself of these qualities means you will enter the event radiating that positive energy.
"Research shows that people who have a positive outlook have better lives, partly because a positive attitude is attractive and charming, and people are drawn to it. As a result, you make friends. When you are positive you are supportive of yourself and others, you notice the good things more than
the bad things, which makes it easier to connect to others. In addition, you feel much better about yourself, which means you feel more deserving of friends. It's a positive spiral, and goes up and up," Tessina said.
When you do get invited to a special function, there are ways to ensure that you're charming and not overbearing or, goodness forbid, desperate. Tessina shared her suggestions for how to win male attention at a holiday party:
- Be interesting: Wear attractive, but interesting, clothing-something that reflects who you are. If you like travel, for example, wear a shirt, scarf, tie or jewelry from another country, or wear something that reflects your ethnic background, or a hobby (sports, the outdoors, a Hawaiian-type shirt with surfboards, gardening implements or an animal print) or a holiday pin. It will help start conversations.
- Pay attention: Look around you, and seek to make friends. Notice who's around you and what's interesting or attractive about them, Find an interesting thing about what they're wearing, and compliment it. "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that gorgeous color -- it looks great on you." Or, "What an interesting watch! Where did you get it?"
- Prepare in advance: Read up on some fascinating topics to talk about, such as the background makings of a hit movie, a new technology advance, or a cool new trend. Then, when someone wants to talk to you, you'll have something to say.
- Find a way to help: What needs doing that you might enjoy? If you haven't experienced this event before, I recommend finding a "job" to do. Don't just say "what can I do to help?" Instead, volunteer for something specific: To greet people and take coats, or keep the food table replenished, or refill drinks. It will give you a feeling of belonging, a great excuse to meet everyone, and you'll be busy enough to keep your nervousness at bay. The host or hostess will be grateful and remember you later.
- Follow through: If you do meet someone you'd like to know better, follow the party with an invitation for coffee. The best friendships begin in these social situations.