14 Tips on How to Have an Amazing Second Date
How to ensure you have a great date
The trick to having a great second date with someone is to only go out with him if you really are interested in getting to know him better. Sure, we've all heard the advice that you should go on a few dates with someone, even if you feel lukewarm about them, just in case they weren't at their best on your first date. But think back to every relationship you've had that lasted more than a few weeks. You knew when you first met him that you wanted to see him again, right? And those that “grew on you” ended up turning into ex-boyfriends eventually.
So, if you had a first date with a guy and felt a chemistry zing, or found yourself talking for hours and it only seemed like minutes, then you are practically guaranteed a good second date. But beyond there, here are
What to do on a second date
“So many women I work with say yes to a second date because he seems nice and there's nothing wrong with him on paper, therefore she feels like she should like him. But, despite his credentials, there isn't that spark,” said Veronica Grant, dating coach.
“In other words, a second date will always be flat if women go out with a guy again that they're not that excited about, and their only goal is to 'think about it more' or figure out how they feel. The spark is there or not there. No spark, no second date,” she said.
14 ways to have a fantastic date
1. An incredible second date definitely depends on what you did on the first date. However, the key is to do something different, be creative, don't be afraid to show personality. Consider choosing something that will allow you to talk and get to know each other. The unique date will also give you something to talk about.
2. Plan the date. For the most part, men are so used to planning dates that if you say, “Let me plan this date and take you out,” you’re already ahead of the curve. Nothing says that you’re seriously interested in a guy more than taking the initiative and planning a night out. Most guys can count on their hand the times a woman has planned the first, second or third date.
3. When planning your second date, make it about him. This part is key. Pick a venue, or activity that he will love and this date will really stand out. A great example would be to plan a date at his favorite sports bar if he’s a big sports fan. For most guys, having a woman say, “hey, let’s go to your favorite sports bar and watch a game” is going to sound like an awesome date, especially during the playoffs. It doesn’t have to be a sports bar, just be sure to plan the date according to his interests. It’s all about making him feel like you’re willing to do some of the things he wants to do.
4. Circle back to your first date conversation topics. Remember all those things that he loved talking about on the first date? Bring them up again, but in a way that continues the conversation. If he spoke about any of his passions or side projects, ask for an update on how things are going. Get him talking about himself and his interests in a positive way so that he starts subconsciously associating the things he enjoys with spending time with you.
Be different than his last date
5. Split the bill, or pay for the check. No matter how much of a gentleman he is, the gesture of paying for part of, or all of the date will come off as very attractive. If you want to be really smooth about it, pay the check before it comes back to the table so he can’t protest when you offer to pay. When he asks why you paid, tell him that you wanted to treat him, and offer to let him pay for the next date.
6. If you haven’t already, initiate a kiss. At this point, if you haven’t kissed already, what are you waiting for? If you really want to blow him away, tell him to kiss you, or pull him in close. Most guys aren’t used to a woman initiating a first kiss, so this will make the night even more memorable.
7. Realize that you're the “employer.” Have a great time, and know that you are the decision-maker. What do you think of this guy, what he thinks, how he responds to what happens, how he behaves towards other people, what he says to you? You don't have to worry about whether or not he is into you - he'll take care of that. Do your job of determining how you feel about the information he is giving you in this “interview.”
8. Relax, but not too much. Okay, so he liked you and would like to see you again. You might feel more comfortable around him, but it is too early to feel too relaxed. Keep wearing make-up and get a blow dry.
9. Cook for him. The saying goes, “the easiest way to a man's heart is through his stomach”. As traditional as it sounds, it's true. As you progress in your relationship, he will subconsciously assess if you are a keeper, so it is a good idea to show off your qualities typically associated with femininity. Even if it sounds 1950s, our primal instincts haven't changed, so invite him to a home cooked meal at your apartment. Even if you are not a goddess in the kitchen, you can still fix a simple meal. Let him help open a bottle of wine and appreciate his help.
10. Remain a bit mysterious. Keep the conversation about positive things in your life. It is too early to tell him about your frustrating boss, your noisy neighbours and your personal problems.
11. If the first date was a success you basically talked about things you both liked. So don't do the movies. Make memories to achieve that do something different like the zoo, the circus, a cooking or dancing class or a place like Sips and Strokes, where you can drink what you desire and paint a picture to take home of your choice.
12. Know what you would like to get out of it before you go on it. Where is your head and your heart in terms of expectations this time around? Would you like it to be more talking and getting to know each other and just that? Would you like it to be more talking, getting to know each other and some dancing? Some physical? How physical? If you don't know what you'd like to get out of it, you'll be frustrated and second guessing yourself and that other person. While overthinking is never a good idea and you cannot plan or forecast everything that will happen, you can get right in your mind about what 'good' would look like and how comfortable you are. It will lead to better expectations management and better decision making.
13. Wear adaptive clothes. In other words, don't wear clothes that would limit your ability to go dancing, go for a nice walk, see live music, etc. Think about the location of the date and other things around it. Are you wearing clothes and shoes that are only good for the initial stage of your date (perhaps dinner) or are you wearing things that make it easy to do other things as well? There are few things worse than cutting a date short or being uncomfortable as the date continues, all because you didn't think about what you should wear.
14. And finally, the big secret to a phenomenal second date is having a positive mindset. It can, however, be a challenge to get into such a mindset after going out on so many horrible first dates. The key is to have a pre-date ritual to help shift you from negativity to looking and feeling sexy. This can mean having a special second date outfit that makes you feel fantastic, purchasing new undergarments or simply making sure to carve out enough prep time to get centered and grounded to simply enjoy the company of your date.
Sources: Kathryn Gates, marriage and family therapist; Johnna A. Ithier, motivational speaker and relationship expert with SpeakLife; Nora Kenyeres with Match Made Abroad; Michelle A. Roberts, MA , doctoral student; Chris Armstrong, relationship coach and owner/operator of Maze of Love; Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, psychologist and founder of Rapport Relationships; Demetrius Figueroa, writer of Tao of Indifference.