Is It Worth Moving Cross-Country For Love?
When you should take the plunge
Finally, you’ve met just the right guy. But you live and work on the East Coast, and he’s a California boy.
Or what if you’ve been dating while living in the same town, and one of you has a stellar job offer in another city?
Love is complicated, and it only gets more difficult to navigate the waters when distance is thrown into the mix. Should you consider moving cross-country for love? It’s tough to know when to try to date long distance, and when to it’s worth making the move to be with your sweetheart.
Relationship experts share their advice to help you out of this sometimes confusing predicament.
Factors to consider before moving
Obviously, how serious you are about this person is the key consideration in moving. But you must also consider how serious he is about you. There are many people who would say do not move unless he’s given you a ring. But that’s a bit old school for some, so you have to weigh each situation individually.
“There are so many factors that are dependent on whether it’s a good idea to move across the country for someone you are in love with,” said Dr. Sonja Bethune, a psychologist and relationship expert. “For instance, if you two have been together for at least a year living in the same state and no red flags have been identified, then it might be worth the risk to make this move together. The risk can become quite high if you met this person, who currently lives on the other side of the country, and after a few fun-filled, passionate visits, he wants you to move in with them.”
Of course, if children are involved, then there is a lot more at stake. “Coming from being a military brat and moving every three years, I know how much stress instability can cause a child. If the children already feel secure where they are at, then it’s best not to get involved with someone who is already across the country. It is likely to work out better if you have been seeing this person for a while and your children already like this person. You just have to take your children’s feelings into account when planning a huge move like this. Also, if the child’s other biological parent is local and involved in the child’s life, this can put an obstacle into the whole plan of moving them,” she said.
“To sum it up, it’s a bad idea to move across country for someone if you haven’t known them long and if you haven’t already lived with them locally. Moving across the country to live with someone, who you have seen maybe once a month, might put you at a disadvantage. You will be in an unfamiliar place without friends and family to support you through this transition. It’s not a good idea to move if you don’t already have a job and you still have bills to pay. It’s a good idea if you have known this person for a while and you have already had experience living with this person. Also, if you know you cannot live without this person and you see a bright future ahead, then it’s worth a try,” she said.
Other factors to consider
Psychologist and therapist Lisa Bahar said there are other factors to consider, such as the following:
- Have you visited numerous times and looked at the environment you are considering to move to?
- Have you explored where and who's home you are moving into?
- What are the financial considerations?
- Is it his home? Meaning can he ask you to leave at any time or is it a mutual new home?
- Do you “love” the environment as much as him?
- If not what are the differences?
- Meaning do you “hate” the environment and “love” him?
- Check in with your true intentions?
- Do you have family or a support system that is at your current location and secretly hope to return with him?
- Are there any assumptions?
Bahar said it’s essential to balance out love and reason before making a major move for a relationship.