The Secret to Making a Man Fall Madly in Love
How to make him fall deep, hard and fast
So, you've met someone, and you are crazy about him, and hope that he falls in love with you. If you're trying to stack the odds in your favor, here are suggestions from relationship experts on what to do to help your guy fall deep, hard and fast in love with you.
Remember, at the core, be true to yourself and who you are. Don't pretend to be someone you're not in order to get him to fall in love. If that happens, the relationship will be doomed because eventually he'll meet the “real” you and it won't be the person he fell in love with.
Entice him to love you
You can't force a man to fall in love, said Tina Tessina, aka “Dr. Romance,” psychotherapist and author.
“Let's not perpetuate the myth that you can force a man to fall in love. What you can do, however, is entice him, encourage him and motivate him. What men want is sex, ego gratification and partnership, in that order. Sex always tops the list. However, if it's too easy, it leads him to devalue you. The following list will show you how to be irresistible to your man,” Tessina said.
1. Don't resist, listen.
We often have a knee-jerk negative response to what a man tells us, or wants to do. Instead of replying negatively “That won't work…” “We can't do that…” Try listening and thinking for a few seconds more. You may find out your initial response changes, and at any rate, listening and understanding is not the same as agreeing.
2. Look your man in the eyes and smile.
Unless your guy is talking about something really sad (job loss, death, etc.) where a smile would be inappropriate, look him or her in the eyes and smile while you're listening. He will automatically feel more understood and cared about, which will change the feeling level of the discussion.
3. Touch each other.
Sit near him, and gently place your hand on his or her shoulder, leg, or arm. If you're in the car, lightly touch his shoulder or arm. You'll find your conversation becomes warmer and more caring.
4. Try laughter.
If something frustrating is happening, try easing the tension with a bit of humor. After a difficult interaction in a store, on the way out, you could say “That went well.” with a touch of irony. Or, when someone drops something and makes a mess, you could say “the gremlins are here again.” Or use “It's always something” or “It could happen” to change stress to silliness. Don't poke fun at your man, but use shared humor as a way to say “I know this is tough, but we'll get through it.” Your guy will think of you as someone soothing and helpful to have around when problems happen.
5. Use pleasant surprises.
Try a love note in your guy's briefcase, a post-it with a smiley face on the underside of the toilet seat, a flower, plant, card or balloon for no reason, or an unexpected gentle pat on the rear, a hug or a kiss to say “I'm thinking good thoughts about you, and I love you.”
6. Ramp up the sweetness.
Life has its unavoidable stresses and strains. To keep things in balance, we need to put a bit of energy into increasing the sweetness between us. Thoughtfulness, “thank you's” and gestures of politeness and affection are the WD-40 of your relationship. Keep things running smoothly by remembering to add a spritz of sweetness frequently.
7. Devote time to your relationship.
No matter how crazed you are with work and bills, it's essential to put aside regular time each week for each other. Have a “date night” which includes a “state of the union” discussion (include the positive things going on) or take a pleasant walk or drive. Keeping connected means things don't build up to fighting status, and you'll remember how good you are together. Don't forget to celebrate and appreciate each other. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation.
8. Focus on partnership.
Remember that first and foremost, before anything else, you're partners. Keep that in mind and check frequently to make sure you're acting like partners, and not competitors or avoiders. You're in this thing together, and partnership is what it's all about.
9. Reminisce about good times.
“Remember when….” is a great start to a loving conversation. It creates so much good feeling to remember your best times together. Reminding yourselves of your solid history together is a way to increase your bond.
10. Brag to friends in your man's hearing.
Of course, tell your man to his or her face how much you care, but also be sure to tell your friends, while your guy is around, how great he is. “Harold is so thoughtful. Today he brought me flowers.” Or “Doesn't my sweetie look great today? I'm so lucky.” Don't worry if your partner looks embarrassed. He will also be pleased, and remember your brag for a long time.
The magic formula
Actually, the secret is that there isn't a magic formula for making someone fall in love with you, according to Frank Bevacqua a psychologist and life coach based in Phoenix.
“If two people are not meant to love one another - if they're not similar enough in their goals, their desires, and their values - they won't. However, despite there being no magic formula, there are things you can do to make sure the right relationship has ever chance to succeed,” Bevacqua said.
Here are his three key things to consider when making sure your relationship has a solid chance for success:
- Identify your values and stay true to them. So many times people compromise themselves early in a relationship to get the other person to like (or love) them. This merely delays the realization that two people are not compatible. Whereas compromise is a necessity for any long-lasting and successful relationship, one should never compromise her most important values. Many women might be surprised to find out that being yourself early on, instead of what you think he wants, leads to a deeper connection much more quickly.
- Be clear in your own mind about what you want. There is no such thing as a perfect person, and I don't suggest creating a checklist of qualities you would like and simply trying to find someone that meets all of them. Be realistic about your must-haves and which qualities are in the would-be-nice-to-have category. Further, be firm in your dealbreaker qualities. By being honest and realistic in who you are looking for, you're much more likely to establish a strong connection more quickly by not wasting your time with the wrong guys.
- Speak each other's love language. Much has been written about love languages. Once you find someone who you wish to pursue a serious relationship with, take a few moments to discover each of your love languages and share these with each other. It is in this way that you each can make sure you are focusing your love and attention in the areas that your partner needs it and recognizes it the most. There is no quicker way to a man's heart than speaking the language that he hears and, contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same.
Show no fear
Natalie Blais, relationship expert, said that you must present a challenge to win a man's heart since men are hunters and gatherers by nature.
“They have been trained since the beginning of time to sense fear! To sniff it out, and to run from anything that creates fear in them. Women present a challenge for men when the men are in the position of pursuing her. Regardless of how we as a society want to view the pursuit, men have always taken the role of aggressor and pursuit. They can smell fear and desperation in women. We are afraid we won't find a mate. We are afraid we won't find a soulmate. We are afraid we will be alone. We are afraid we won't have love or passion. That makes a man turn on his heel and run,” Blais said.
If you want a man to fall in love hard, fast and deeply, you need to flip the switch from fear to love, she said.
“Start loving where you are. Start loving who you are. Start loving the life you have or love yourself enough to make the changes you need to make to have a life you do love. Men want to love a woman who brings passion and energy and heat to the table. Have a life that is filled with things you love and people you love. When you life is completely filled with love, passion, energy and joy, men will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. They want to be a part of the passion. They want to feel the heat and the passion you have. They want to be the focus of that energy and passion,” she said.
“A woman who wants that crazy love affair will begin with having a crazy love affair with her own life. She will focus on flipping that switch in her life from fear to love. She will focus on the things that bring her bliss. When she is able to do that, the most amazing love will show up and she will be ready for him and he will fall hopelessly in love with her,” Blais said.