Ask Drew: The Dos and Don’ts of Rejecting Him
It probably isn’t any surprise women reject me a great deal. I hope you were sitting down for that. As the byline below suggests, I’ll most likely die alone, but it certainly won’t be for lack of trying. I’m sure all my ex-wives will agree with that someday.
My female friends are always telling me about some poor schmuck that they just aren’t interested in that got their number at a bar or from an online dating site. “He wants to take me out for drinks! Yuck!” Free drinks for a night? What’s the problem here? If he’s that persistent, maybe hang out with him and Kettle One for the evening. Hell, Andy Dick can take me out for drinks if he’s buying. It’s not like you’ve gotta sleep with him.
Overall, though, I (we) get it. You’re not interested for whatever reason. Chances are it’s our fault, but at least let us down gently. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you find yourself in this situation.
Don’t Ignore Him
Yeah, it’ll probably work eventually, but it’s like pulling a Band-Aid off slowly as opposed to ripping it off immediately. If the guy has a BlackBerry or a Droid, he’ll be a slave to that little blinking light that signals he has a message. He’ll eagerly check his phone to see if you’ve finally responded to him only to realize it’s yet another email from Spotify telling him that his cousin Becky starred a song by Dave Matthews. Really, do we need three emails a day telling us who’s listening to what? I don’t want my gangster rap obsession made public. And who listens to Dave Matthews anymore? … Wait, what was I saying?
“Well, this is awkward…”
I’ve suggested this repeatedly to my girlfriends, and not one of them has used it. You really want him to politely back off? Agree to go out with him, but maybe a prescription bottle of Valtrex accidentally falls out of your purse when you’re looking for your phone. That should work, but if he says, “You should really switch to Famvir. Way fewer side effects,” you’re screwed.
Instead of finding a way to nicely end things with him, maybe turn the tables. The reason he’s texting you is clearly because he really likes you (or he wants to get laid). Whatever the reason is, pull that desire away by becoming an absolute nightmare to spend time with. Talk about the meaning behind your tattoo(s), have your gay friend join you on a date, or start explaining the significance between his attitude and his astrological sign. Have some fun with it!
Scare Him Off
It doesn’t matter how much he might like you and want to go out with you; you can scare him off pretty quickly if you start discussing serious topics. Why wait for a few months to have the discussion of “where things are headed”? Maybe it’s your first or second time out. If you don’t want to meet him out, discreetly find him on Facebook and request to be in a relationship with him. If you’re feeling like having some fun, meet him out one night. Start discussing one of your friends who’s getting married this summer and slowly transition into how long you think it’ll be before your wedding. Then touch his hand, smile, and look deeply into his eyes. Not only will you never hear from him again, he might even change his number.
Waiting For Marriage
And speaking of marriage, if the opportunity presents itself, maybe tell him you’re waiting until marriage. I had a girl tell me that once and, no joke, it caught me so off-guard that all I could get out was, “Why?” She never heard from me again, which I suspect was the wise move for both parties.
“Yeah, I’ll call you soon!”
I say this one in all seriousness: Do NOT say you’ll call/text us if you don’t have any intention of following through. Women do this constantly, hoping we’ll forget. We almost never do, and do you know why? It’s because you said you’d call/text us soon. You’re just opening the door for never-ending harassment from really dense guys. A friend of mine would literally get a text every two weeks from one guy for eight whole months. Not once did she respond, but that didn’t stop him from trying. The same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. Luckily I’ve been down that road before and realized that was her way of saying she’d rather die than go out with me again. (She never called, and my new mission is to run into her again with another girl. Email me.)
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Drew is a single guy living in Los Angeles. When he's not bar-hopping with a friend's golden retriever to convince women he has a soft side, he's taking them on short-lived dates. His fickle dating habits and "perspective" almost guarantee he'll die alone. All opinions are his own. Got a question for Drew? Ask away... firstname.lastname@example.org