Lady LUX

Everyone has dated at least a few guys who were definite losers. It’s easy to tell when to cut a guy loose if he says the wrong things and acts like a jerk. But it’s harder to know when a guy is a keeper. It’s important to keep your eyes open and pay attention to the details to know if he’s worth keeping around for the long haul.

Tracy Freese, author and relationship expert, said that women should look for kindness as one way to tell. “If you see your guy doing nice things for you and others without being asked – keep! A great way to test that concept is to watch how your dude treats service professionals; if he is rude or treats them disrespectfully while you are on a date, dump him.”

Another good sign, Freese said, is if he can make you laugh a lot. Strength is also important, “If he is strong in places you are not, that is a great indicator of compatibility for the long haul…it is rare I see two people that are strong in similar things ways harmoniously.”

Gina Stewart, from Expert Online Dating, agrees that how well a man treats you is essential. “You can tell a guy is a keeper when he treats you well; he respects you, you like being around each other, and he doesn't take more than he gives. Most importantly, his words match his actions. He should do what he says he will do.”

“The red flags for a guy who isn't a keeper is someone who you catch in any sort of lie or mistruth. Also, things aren't bound to always be perfect, but how does he respond to imperfect situations? Is he a problem solver or a blamer? Is he calm or does he get worked up more than the situation merits. If you are doing the heavy lifting to make plans, see eachother, make things happen, and he just repsonds to you rather than initiating, all big red flags. Just because he's nice once you're together doesn't mean he's a keeper. A keeper is nice to you even in the hours when you're not together; he's texting, calling, making plans, etc.,” Stewart said.

Stewart explained, “When a guy wants a relationship, or is looking to start one, he will talk openly about future plans. He won't adopt an approach to only call or text you last minute, he makes future plans and follows up on them because he wants to make sure you are free. So he'll mention things he'd like to do with you, or ask you about things you like to do and he'll follow up on them. He will also let you in on the details of his life. Is he telling you his friends names, rather just talking about them generally all the time? Sharing specific details is a sign that a man wants you to be a part of his world.”

Stef Safran, owner of Chicago-based dating service Stef and the City, said, “He's a keeper if he goes out of his way to do things for you and that you are completely 100% comfortable around him. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to hide or change parts of you. It's okay to have different interests, but never sacrifice who you fundamentally are to be with someone.”

Safran said, “Good communication is another sign that he's a keeper because not every second of the relationship is going to be perfect. If you can get through the rough patches with some communication, then you will enjoy a lasting relationship.”

Far too many women try to rule men in that should have been cut loose weeks or months earlier. Freese said, “I think women ignore the biggest red flag of all ... their own gut instinct. We attempt to idealize the situation when we should walk outside ourselves and take a long hard look at you and your man as a couple like other people would see you. Isn't the concept of ‘intuition’ one of the best things women have going for them? Use it.”

Freese said it’s important to use dating to help you determine if someone is ready for a relationship. If someone tucks their phone away on a first date, and ignores technology, then that’s a sign that they’re taking you, and the relationship potential, seriously.

Freese offered one last bit of advice, “Finally, is the guy initiating your future time together? From my own dating experiences, the more I chased a man for a relationship, the more elusive he became and it started from the first date. Ladies, stop chasing these guys that won't chase you back. The sooner a women understands how fabulous she is, regardless of her shape and size, the sooner men will feel her self-confidence and want to share time together. Don't make self-confidence an act, make self-confidence a lifestyle.”

And when is it time to cut the cord? Freese said to give a guy about two months and then, if the relationship isn’t heading where you want it to, it’s time to let go. A guy who hasn’t come around by two months isn’t relationship ready.

Tagged in: dating, relationships, love,

Lifestyle / Relationships