Lifestyle

Signs He’s Not a Cheater

Look for these positive habits

Studies show that men cheat at a significantly higher rate of frequency than women. Oftentimes, men become serial cheaters because of early abandonment/separation trauma by their mother or father, according to Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills child, parenting, and relationship psychotherapist.

Find out how you can tell if your boyfriend or partner is true blue and not likely to cheat on you, so that you can avoid heartache down the road.

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What to look for

The types of childhood traumas that can cause men to become serial cheaters include their parent’s divorcing, or a parent moving out and not returning, or an angry parent who raged at them in unexpected and abusive ways. When women cheat, it’s usually because they have had sustained period of mistreatment in the relationship, Walfish said.

Regardless, whether it’s men or women doing the cheating, the result is intensely damaging to a relationship. It’s much better to be able to look for the signs that someone is likely to cheat before you get seriously involved. Here are the signs to look for that a man isn’t likely to become a cheater, according to Stef Safran, founder of Stef and the City dating service in Chicago:

  • He wants to make longer-term plans with you. A few subtle examples of this might be him talking about getting a pet with you, or being really excited to go to his friend’s wedding with you in six months. More obvious signs would be him talking about getting an apartment or buying a house together.
  • He shares sensitive information. He lets you know his PIN number, you know his phone password, and the one for his Netflix account, too. The point is, he gives you information that would be compromising if you stopped seeing each other. The fact that he still gives it to you, though, means he's not planning on going anywhere and may want to settle down.
  • He doesn't play games. He does what he says he will do, whether that's a call, a text, or going to an event with you. He wants to see you again, and he makes that clear instead of waiting weeks to call you back. He answers the phone when you call, and he lets you know where he’s going to be.
  • You have met his extended family. Meeting the parents is pretty common, but if you start going to large family functions with him, he's probably ready to settle down with you. No one wants to introduce all of their relatives to a constant stream of new dates, so if he's introducing you, it's important.

Is he eager to have you meet his friends?

Bobbie Morgan, who authors a relationship blog, said to also look for consistency:

“If a guy isn't vague or elusive about not being available is usually a good indicator that he's on the up and up. If a guy gets defensive, angry or accuses a woman of not trusting him, especially when he doesn't reply to texts or phone calls in his usual way, are usually good indicators that something's not right.”

Morgan points out that a man who is eager to include you in his social circle of friends and family isn’t likely to cheat. “A guy like that has no qualms about what you may hear about him from others. It's also an indicator that he wants to let people know that he thinks you're pretty darn special, if not exclusive.”

If he’s open about new friendships and asks you to tag along or double or triple date, that’s another positive sign, she said.

“If a guy is cheating, there's usually a sense of disconnect. If he's actively engaged in having conversations and truly enthusiastic about being intimate with you, chances are that you have nothing to worry about.  Guys who are honest about everything, even about things that don't apply to your relationship, is usually a good indicator that he'll be honest with and faithful to you,” she said.

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