The 5 Best Pieces of Relationship Advice You’ve Never Heard
Improve your love life with these tips
Face it, relationships are complicated. Everyone has heard the oft-repeated tips, such as “don’t go to bed angry,” “opposites attract,” and “choose your battles,” but what about advice that isn’t as commonly known? What are the true secrets to blissful happiness in a relationship?
LadyLUX turned to relationship experts to find out more about the little known bits of romance advice that can make the difference. Read on to find out what you need to know to make your relationship go the distance.
Let go of the idea of a perfect relationship
Dr. Jennifer Howard, psychotherapist and award-winning author of Your Ultimate Life Plan, said, “As a society, we're addicted to perfection. And what's even more disturbing is that there's actually no such thing as perfect. This word is often used to describe something that does not and cannot really exist. We want and expect ourselves and our partners to have beautiful bodies, solid bank accounts, and of course they should always put our feelings first. But perfection isn't possible. I tell couples that if their committed intimate relationship works overall an average of 80-90% of the time, that's a good relationship. There will be times when your relationship feels 100% satisfying, and times when you've plummeted to a much lower percentage. It's important to remember that this is what a healthy relationship looks like.
A good relationship has more to do with you and less to do with your partner
“Your emotional response to what's going on in the present moment is profoundly affected by your past, mostly at an unconscious level. As you clear up your own childhood difficulties and traumas, you become more emotionally mature. Then, having a great relationship becomes much easier because you're not at the mercy of your own personal inner triggers. This helps you smooth out your experience of the differences and difficulties between the two of you, Howard said.
Don’t text about serious relationship issues
Joseph Pereira, a clinical social worker and psychotherapist, said, “More of my sessions with clients is taken up with going over texts that couples have written to each other during the course of the week. While we are in the age of virtual communication, using texting to explore and hash out problems in relationships tends to aggravate situations, not improve them. Individuals are less apt to filter negative comments because the other person is not in front of him or her. Also, because we only have the words a person has written, we are more at risk to
misinterpret what has been texted since we do not have the benefit of body language or voice tone which gives us context in face-to-face interactions. Talking in person is still the gold standard for good communication.
Do not let resentments breed
Pereira said, “I define resentment as chronic anger that is caused by a belief that another person has behaved in an unjust or unfair way. Resentments are created because communication breaks down and the persons in the relationship stop talking about what really matters. Each individual then develops a sense of being a victim of the other person's transgressions in the relationship and that leads to a desire for reciprocated suffering. This process plays itself out by wanting the other person to pay for the harm that they have caused. The best way to deal with resentments is to keep them from developing.
Love them like there’s no tomorrow to keep the passion hot
“Don't just love each other - lusting each other is equally important. Go without panties on a dinner date. Make out in a park after dark. By keeping the passion ignited in your relationship and sexual surprises at every corner, your relationship stays exciting and new. And remember, t omorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone. By remembering to kiss your partner when leaving home in the morning, and kissing your partner when you return, you are not only lessoning your chances of friction in the relationship, you are also reinforcing how you feel about the person. Treat your partner as if tomorrow isn't guaranteed but hold them in your heart as if their love is forever,” said Dani Altidor, a relationship coach.
And Dr. Scott Carroll, a dating and relationship expert, throws in one more bit of advice: “Ballroom dance lessons are almost as good a couples counseling, but a lot cheaper and more fun. Ballroom dancing is all about working together and accepting the roles of leader and follower and recognizing that one is not better than the other. In fact, it is harder to be a good follower than a good leader. After all, didn't Ginger Rogers do everything Fred Astaire did only backwards and in high heels?”