When the Real Personality Doesn’t Match His Online Persona
What to do when he disappoints
What should a woman do when she meets a man and his real life personality doesn't match his online persona? This phenomena is all too common in online dating, as a man often tries to put forth what he might consider a more appealing personality in order to draw a woman in.
After a few dates, it's disappointing to find out that the man of your dreams is anything but.
Here are tips on how to look for signs early on that a guy isn't all that he seems and what you can do about it.
Be nice to him
The number one rule when you find out a guy isn't the same as you expected from your online correspondence is to remain cordial and polite, said relationship expert Carla Swiryn, a professional matchmaker from Three Day Rule.
“We’ve all been on bad dates or gone out with people who may have not lived up to our expectations, but there is no need to put a sour face on for the entire date. You may want to get up and leave right away, but stay for at least one drink or finish your coffee to be courteous,” Swiryn said.
“In this digital age, the world is smaller than you think. You never know who your date might be connected to so if you end up being rude to him, you could end up getting a bad reputation among his network and circle of friends,” she said.
It's important to keep an open mind. “Even if you aren’t feeling it, try to see the date as an opportunity to widen your network. You could end up becoming friends if you share common interests but don’t feel the chemistry. If it becomes a platonic friendship, he could end up introducing you to a single friend of his that you might be a better match with. Or, it could become a great networking opportunity if it turns out that you work in the same industry or have common professional interests. Better yet, you may end up having a great, chemistry-filled conversation with him to your surprise and suddenly you see him in a whole different light,” she said.
“Also, realize that this is just one person. It does happen where there can be a discrepancy between how someone appears online and how they really are, but don't let that discourage you and give up on the process of dating or the fun it can bring,” she said.
Talk before meeting
Swiryn also advised to talk to him at least once before meeting in person. You can use email or a chat platform, but a live conversation is ideal.
“A phone call can convey a lot, including his voice, confidence and wit. And don't be afraid to ask if he wants to trade Facebook profiles before you agree to go out. Just don't over-analyze or get hyper-critical on every single photo and post. You're not looking for perfection (if you are, that's a likely reason why you're single, and will stay single). You're just seeing if it's worthwhile to learn more in person,” she said.
Signs to look out for
Be wary if he only posts one or two photos. Anyone can take a good photo, but they should show a variety of shots so you get a good sense of what they really look like in different situations, she said.
“The reality is that most men round up 1-2 inches with their height when they're under 6 feet tall. I know, it's frustrating. Women place so much importance on height, and men don't want to be filtered out by someone who could potentially be the love of their life,” she said.
And review what he has written. Is it too witty? “I would find it odd if somebody was hilarious all the time. Be wary of the guy who acts like the Dos Equis 'Most Interesting Man In The World.' Even though people want to project a positive image online, a humble, great guy usually isn't going to brag too much,” she said.
Also, ask yourself if he has flaky tendencies. Have you tried to schedule a date with him a few times and he keeps rescheduling? Does he only text once every few days? If so, you may be a lower priority for him (or one of many people in his pipeline) so he may not be as interested in finding a committed relationship.
Finally, learn from each date experience to identify the signs in the future. If you feel a guy misrepresented himself, think back to anything that might have been connected to his actual personality, and keep that in mind the next time you meet someone so as to avoid any more disappointments or wasted efforts, she said.
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